Dirty Relationship Reflection #2

In //Pursuing the Good Life: 100 Reflections on Positive Psychology//, the late Christopher Peterson talks about how work, love, and play are fundamental to human happiness. He adds service also, in an addendum, because service offers a connection beyond the more intimate conception of love, which usually refers to spouse, kids, loved ones, and neighbors, to a larger, less integrated community.

I’m not here to recap Peterson’s book, though I am reading as I write these posts.

When considering play, I think of writing. It’s still a hobby for me—at best part-time work (which I seem to specialize at—part-time job, part-time farmer, part-time writer, part-time stay-at-home-mom). But a hobby is, by nature, play. Play, Peterson points out, is essential in the animal world, and people who pursue leisure time activities are happier than those who do not.

So, Ax, you might be asking, WTF does this have to do with romance and relationships?

Well, ever play make-believe with your partner?

No, no, you dirty-minded fellow perverts, not that kind of make-believe. I have never been a serving wench and he has never been pirate. (Though that does give me a story idea…) I’m not talking bondage or pony-play or even a sexy plumber scene.

As a writer, my job is to basically sit down and play make-believe with myself. And when I love writing the most is when it feels like play, like I’m sitting down at my desk and playing in my imagination for two hours during the kiddo’s naptime. But sometimes, like all writers, I get stuck.

I’m a talker; it’s how I work through sticky plots, character motivations, grocery lists, you name it. Luckily my partner doesn’t mind this. I often wander into our living room, tell him about whatever writing thing I’m having a problem with, he talks to me until we figure it out, I go back and write it down. Recently, we’ve started collaborating on a non-erotic project (sorry, kids), and it’s been a blast. Basically, I get to sit and play make-believe with my partner as we construct a novel together. 

The take-away from this?

For that, I’d like to quote Christopher Peterson.

“In play we find and pursue our passions.”

Writing is one of my passions. My partner is another. Put them together, and the end result gains far, far more worth than the sum of its parts. What do you two (or three or four...) enjoy for leisure, and how can you use that to strengthen your own relationship?