Fuck Me Friday

In follow up to our threesome discussion/ rant yesterday, this Fuck Me Friday recommendation is in the same vein. Three-Way: Erotic Stories edited by Alison Tyler has a little something from everyone. These hot, surprising stories show the wide and varying ranges menage can take, and the collection features some of the best writers in the business, from Thomas S. Roche to Rachel Kramer Bussel to Saskia Walker. Not only showing alluring ways to have a threesome, it’s delivered with a polished prose that will arouse your mind as well as your body. Pick it up for some hot weekend reading, especially while we wait for Wrapped Around Your Finger Sept 9!!

Three Bullshit Reasons Not to Have a Threesome

[Warning: It’s Thursday and we’re talking about threesomes. Consider yourself warned. ;-) ]  

I’m a big believer in happy relationships. I’m also a big believer that if you’re having problems at home, then you need to fix those problems in-house.

(Professional help isn’t included here; I’m just saying if you’re having problems don’t go to your mom or bff and bitch or guess about what he/she is really thinking, because the BEST way to find that out is to talk to he/she and ASK what they are thinking. All the speculation in the world won’t get you inside their head better than asking can. If you can’t ask them, for whatever reason, that speaks to a whole other level of relationship issues.)

Now, as far as a three-way (threesome, menage, whatever you want to call it), lots of couples report interest in this sex act. Having a threesome can be an absolutely mind-rocking, amazing experience with your partner. There is something fantastically hot about working with your partner to make another person orgasm. (Provided that you’re wired that way.)

BUT there are serious things to consider beforehand. I’m not going to tell you whether you should or shouldn’t have a threesome, but here are some guidelines to consider.

• DON’T have a threesome to fix a troubled relationship or spice things up.
• DON’T have a threesome if you don’t have AMAZING communication, trust, and passion with your partner.
• DON’T have a threesome if you’re insecure.

These are just a few, but there are lots of reasons NOT to have a threesome, especially if you’re not secure as a couple, don’t have excellent communication, and can’t control your jealousy.

Alternatively, there are some incredibly bullshit arguments out there about why a couple shouldn’t have a threesome.



Bullshit Reason #1: “Our bed isn’t big enough for three.” This is SUCH a bullshit reason. If you’re already fucking, be comfortable enough in each others' space to cuddle. End of story.
 
Bullshit Reason #2: “My spouse might think he/she is hotter than me and they might run off together. Or my spouse might not want to fuck just me anymore. Or will realize that I’m not so hot…” Honey, if you’re that insecure in your relationship then having a threesome is not your biggest problem.


Bullshit Reason #3: “I might like it so much that two person sex won’t ever cut it again.” And the problem with this is…? But seriously, out of all the reasons not to have a threesome, this one is pretty ridiculous. You might like being spanked or handcuffed, but you (probably) don’t want that each and every single time you have sex. Realize that each time you have sex it’s like a snowflake—not each one is created equal, but each one is amazing and special if you appreciate it. 
 
So basically, a couple thinking about a threesome needs to have a terrific level of communication and trust, find the same other person attractive, be able to keep their sanity, have a good sense of humor and open-mindedness, and deal well with “morning after” stuff. There are a lot of reasons not to have a threesome, but don’t let the bullshit reasons get in your way. Be realistic, be passionate, and don’t ever do it because you feel pressured, or delicious experience can fuck up your relationship.

Think you’ve got what it takes? ;-)

The Cowboy Problem on WTF Wednesday!

Its WTF Wednesday, so that means a new story on the Weekly Dose of Smut page! Please go over and check it out, I love this story. Have a great day everyone!

P.S. 
Want more? Head over to Delilah Devlin's site and check out what's up with Hot Highlanders and Wild Warriors. It won't be just the summer swelter that has you fanning yourself! 
http://hothighlanders.delilahscollections.com/

The Box and the Bucket

Life might be like a box of chocolates, but sometimes it’s more like you have a leak in the roof and you forgot to set the bucket under it when it rained.

What is Magical Realism?

It’s recently come to my attention that the genre I’d been referring to as magical realism is not, in fact, actually magical realism. So I did some more digging and the results aren’t as clear-cut as I supposed. I mean, no one argues about what constitutes a murder mystery, but apparently what makes it “real” magical realism is a hot button issue within the literary community.

Magical realism, according to Writing-World.com and Wikipedia (as well as the Encyclopedia Britannica and Princeton University, among others), is a much narrower genre that one might suppose, mostly referring to the South American writers who incorporate magical or fantastical elements into otherwise realistic fiction. (Think Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Alejo Carpentier, and Jorge Luis Borges.) There’s many theories on why this style is characterized by Latin American writers, including postulations about post-colonial theory and reconciling alternate histories, but that is really beyond the scope of this post.

A recent article in Writer’s Digest delves into magical realism a little further, coining the origins of magical realism in Latin America, but saying “while magical realism may (or may not) have been birthed in Latin America, is has evolved and migrated.” And that really seems to be the crux of this debate: not what constitutes magical realism, but who is allowed to write it.

The purists, on one end, say that the Latin American authors write this genre in the pure form, while others say it’s about the characteristicsof the story and instead of about geography. (Side note: Amazon apparently sides with the purists, since several books I selected as my favorite books in the magical realism genre are classified as sci-fi/ fantasy.)

The key item that identifies magical realism is that things just are; they are not explained, they simply exist. (Think The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger.) Another key feature is that the story takes place in the real world but that has magical things happen that aren’t explained. (e.g. Of course the cat is talking, why wouldn’t the cat being talking? Kind of scenarios.) So I would still like to know, are these novels that I love considered magical realism or are they sci-fi/ fantasy?

My impulse is to say yes. Because although the art of play writing originated with the Greeks, we don’t go around saying that only Greek people can write plays. Although Thomas Mallory wrote what is considered the first novel in English with The Morte d’ Arthur, we don’t say only English people can write novels. The same with various poetic forms—the sestina, the ghazal, the haiku. So, at least in my mind, as long as you follow the proscriptions of the genre, it doesn’t matter where you hail from. Besides, magical realism is a kickass name for a genre and everybody should have access to that.

It seems that I’ve gone on long enough with this that rather than launch into a book review, I’d like to leave you with a list of my recommendations for further reading in the genre. Apologies right now to the Latin American authors: I’ve never been able to make it through any of those novels.

Recommended Books:

• The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaimon
• Lexicon by Max Barry
• The Magicians Series by Lev Grossman
• The Time-Traveler’s Wife by Audry Niffenegger
• Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman (this one is debatable, but thought I’d include it anyway)
• Eleanor by Jason Gurley

Resources for Further Reading:

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magic_realism
• http://www.princeton.edu/~achaney/tmve/wiki100k/docs/Magic_realism.html
• http://www.writing-world.com/sf/realism.shtml
• http://postcolonialstudies.emory.edu/magical-realism/

And in a side note, check out this latest release from Kristina Wright! http://www.amazon.com/Best-Erotic-Romance-Kristina-Wright/dp/1627781137 So excited to be included in the lineup with some superstar writers in the genre. Keep writing, ladies!

Fuck me Friday

I don’t know about you, but by Friday I’m ready to think about kicking back and making some headboards work for a living. Or at least read a book about characters who are. In this book of the week, some of these ladies don’t even make it out of the back of the cab, much to the cabdriver’s, and reader’s, delight.

Whole Lesbian Sex Stories edited by Cleis Press founder Felice Newman is an exciting collection of lesbian encounters that explore the range of female to female desire, in a variety of circumstances. Each page interests and delights. The prose is well-written and vivid, making it easy to slide into the skin of these characters for a little while and experience with them the titillations of lesbian sex.

Meant as a companion to Newman’s other work, The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, this volume acts as a “graphic depiction” of those concepts in action, displayed in the most delicious stories and unusual scenarios. This is a relatively quick read, that comes at you in a rush of lust, the flush of desire raw and tangible, infusing every line. If you’re in need of some one-handed reading this weekend, this hot pick might just do it for you.

To Drink or Not to Drink (As Always, A Moderation Question)

Like any topic, there’s conflicting opinions on alcohol, especially alcohol and sex. How much, how much is too much, adverse reactions, why some alcohol is all right… the talk goes on and on. We all know that alcohol is a depressant, that it dehydrates us, that it can make it more difficult to achieve orgasm if they’ve too much to drink. Alcohol can contribute to vaginal dryness in women and delayed ejaculation in men. (Since the Kinsey studies report that 75% of men reach orgasm in around two minutes, more recent ones indicating that up to seven minutes is average, that might not be entirely a bad thing for the woman in their lives!)

So by the initial reading, sex and alcohol look like a no-go, but what are some of the advantages?

• Lessened inhibitions, which might help some women reach orgasm easier.
• While women might not reach orgasm, they experience more subjective pleasure and feel more relaxed during the experience.
• Wine makes people happy. At least, it makes me happy. I love having a drink with my Spousal-Type Creature, taking a shower, and… well, you get the idea. ;-)

So what’s the answer, to drink or not to drink? Science is pointing toward moderation being the key, as with so many things. A little goes a long way, and the focus should be on enjoying the experience, not on drinking one another under the table. (Or drinking yourself under the table, a la yours truly.)

The alcohol/ sex debate will continue, much like “should you eliminate sugar from your diet?” “Are carbs evil?” “How to get thin thighs without getting off the couch!”

You get the idea.

Life is too short not to enjoy it, and if having a glass of your favorite beverage and knocking boots with someone you care about (even if you only care about them tonight), be safe and go for it.


References:

“What Alcohol Really Does to Your Sex Life.” Petra Zebroff. Huff Post. 07 January 2013. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/petra-zebroff/alcohol-affects-sex-life_b_2389856.html

“10 Fascinating Facts About the Male Orgasm.” Laura Berman, PhD. Everyday Health. 20 November 2012. http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health-pictures/dr-laura-berman-male-orgasm-facts.aspx#01

WTF Wednesday

It’s a WTF Wednesday again this week, but lacking time to go into it, check out the weekly story under the Weekly Dose of Smut tab. It’s only up for a week (I swear this time!), so be sure not to miss it. Have a wonderful day and happy reading!

Bad Writing, Fast Writing, and Why I Do Insanity-Style Workouts

(Was tempted to title this post “Yey, this post doesn’t suck!” but decided to go with something slightly more accurate. :-p And now on to business…) 


A lot of times writers hear writing discussed with exercise phrasing: gotta work it every day, have to build up stamina, don’t use it you lose it. Okay, maybe not the latter, but still, the practice of writing is a lot like working out.

1. You should do it every day. Or at least on a schedule. To get good, or at least better than when you began, you have to put the time in. Even scheduling in days off. If you’re a workaholic writer like me, that can be especially hard to do, but the facts are that tremendous word counts (like over 2,000 words per day) take a toll on the mind and body, and you have to pace yourself to avoid hitting a wall.

2. Don’t expect to be good right out of the box. It takes years to build muscle, to increase stamina, to finally fit in those jeans you always wanted to. No one goes to the gym for a week, or a month, even a year, and becomes an Olympic athlete. Writing and exercise are less goals than they are lifestyle choices. You have to work to be good at them, to master your form, to gain speed and agility.

3. Challenge yourself. A phrase I heard the other day that resonated with me was “if you don’t fail, you’re not pushing yourself.” We all fail. Sometimes we need to do things we know we’re going to fail at. At first. (One-arm pushups anyone?) But if you keep pushing that challenge, keep learning your weaknesses, build that muscle, and practice, eventually you’ll realize things you never thought your body or your writing could do.

I do High-Intensity Interval Training or Insanity style workouts on an almost daily basis and did for years before I got pregnant with twins, carried on through the pregnancy, and continued as soon as my body allowed following the C-Section. I was weak. I (naively) didn’t know childbirth would be that big of a setback. I built myself back slowly, getting back to my original weight within months of giving birth. I also started writing again, on a consistent basis, every day while I bonded with my breast pump. Eventually those twenty minute writing sessions have turned into an hour+ and the workouts have gone from Insanity-inspired to straight up Insanity. I’m writing more on a regular basis than I ever dreamed possible and am in better shape physically (and mentally most of my family argues!) than ever. I feel great (most days, though as moms with toddlers will attest, this is relative), and couldn’t be happier with the way one exercise feeds the other.

A Few Pitfalls to Consider...

Fast writing might be a sloppy first draft, but should not mean a poor quality finished product. When people hear write fast, I think they interpret that as not writing well. These two are not mutually exclusive. First, define what good writing means for you. Some people like pulp sci-fi or trashy romance. And that’s fine. If that’s what you like and what you want to write, go for it! Some people might prefer something higher brow, more literary in bent, and that’s fine too. The point is to define what is appealing and what is possible for where you are and where you want to be as a writer, and to go with it.

Build from where you are, not where you think you should be. Have to admit that I shamelessly stole this phrase from my Spousal-Type Creature. He says this all the time, how people need to be evaluated on where they are, not where you think they should be. We’re all at different levels, and the level we see ourselves at may or may not be accurate. So the key here is being realistic, seeing what’s really there, and making decisions based off real data, not the stuff we imagine about ourselves.

Have fun! It’s easy to get lost in the goal—write a book, make a daily word count, build a six-pack, what have you—and forget that the process by which we get there, writing daily, eating well, making that commitment to work your body forty minutes a day, is the part we should be enjoying. Life can happen while we’re not looking; kids will grow up regardless of how your abs look and that ultimate daily word count will continue to avoid us. But if we’re present, live in the moment, enjoy the process of getting from one place to another and really experience what’s going on along the way, then those word counts and six-packs don’t matter as much, because we’re sure having a kick ass time getting there!

Thoughts? Questions? I’d love to hear from readers! So if you have any thoughts, please drop a line in the comments. Thanks! And have a wonderful day :-)