Quality Over Quantity

It's a few months old, but ran across this NPR article today. Since effective communication is the key to relationships (and getting naked in said relationship), this seemed relevant. 

Frequent Texting Can Hurt a Relationship, but <3 Always Helps

Dirty, Happy Relationship Reflection #4

My STC (Spousal-Type Creature) and I work more or less six days a week. That means we get one day together, if we’re lucky. (No, I’m not sure how we found time to make babies either.)

The STC remains adamantly against scheduling sex, although that would be a convenient practice. However, we do have a more or less understood standing date every Sunday morning. After the kiddo gets up and gets his bottle, he wants nothing to do with anyone for a good hour or two. He’s content to “read” his books, play with his toys, and yell at the talking tractor on TV. (Grandpa must have taught him how to yell at the tractor with a hammer in his hand.)

The rest of the day, the kid gets tons of interaction with the rest of the family, as we all run errands together, have a meal with extended family, and work on projects around the house and farm together. So I try not to feel guilty for those few hours on Sunday morning when we plug in the baby monitor while the kid does his thing and his dad and I bang the crap out of each other.

All the advice books say couples need to make time to reconnect and just be together, and that’s what Sunday mornings are for us. We’ve tried the date night thing, but the STC and I are both too exhausted by night to really enjoy our time together and generally end up falling asleep in hoodies and sweatpants in front of Netflix. And if we go out, he’s always checking in on his phone, so really mornings don’t just work well for the kid, they work best for getting my honey away from his tech.

While this Sunday morning strategy won’t win me mom-of-the-year, at least in my own mind, it is working for right now, and the STC and I are sensationally happy together. (Really, it’s disgusting. Like the heroines out of romance novels would hate me.) So the moral of this happy, dirty relationship discussion is that even if you and your partner aren’t hooking up, even if it’s preparing a meal together, sitting and having a drink, cuddling, whatever it is that helps you feel connected and intimate, implement that into your routine. It doesn’t have to be anything as serious as writing it into the calendar, as long as it’s something you make time for every week, or whenever you can.

Just remember to use the correct end of the baby monitor.

When Erotic Romance is Neither Erotic nor Romantic

I’ve been reviewing erotic romance this week and, boy, the sex is hot, but the characters? Oh my god, if I was a guy and a woman talked to me like that, I sure as hell wouldn’t want her sucking my cock, even if it did shut her up. And a guy who's that possessive that he wants to hit every guy who looks at his woman? My friend divorced that guy for stalking and battery.

And when did it become a rule for romance that the main characters have to clash in their every action and opinion so hard that it grows to such a pitch that the only possible resolution is to fall into bed together? The last guy I dated who I argued with, I ended up in bed with someone else. 

Maybe it’s just me and couples really do fight that much, women really are prickly virgins, and men want to deck other men for checking out their woman's goods. But it does remind me why erotic romance can be a huge turnoff. That and it’s rife with virgins. But that’s another rant.

Dead Mice and Blowjobs

If your spouse is amenable to it, it is perfectly acceptable to use sex as a bargaining chip. 

Excerpt from real text message exchange this week:

Me: I will suck your cock every day for a month if you take care of the dead mice in the basement this weekend. Deal?
Him: DEAL!!! :-D

The last time I threatened not to blow him until the kiddie latches went on? Yeah, not so much. The cabinets are still secured by duct tape and zip ties.

The choice is yours.

Happy, Dirty Relationship: Nexus

The whole idea behind Happy, Dirty Relationships came from, among other things, reading Kristina Wright’s book Bedded Bliss: A Couple’s Guide to Lust Ever After. I can’t seem to find the line exactly, but the concept was that couples who are content, emotionally and sexually, in their relationships are almost an invisible population.

It was one of those AHA! moments for me, as I finally realized why while all the other women I know complain about their guy, I shrug and go “mine can’t seem to get around to installing the childproof latches for the toddler.”

In the broad scheme of things, not that big of a deal.

It’s also because I don’t make it that big of a deal. (Even withholding fellatio didn’t work, so this is one of those things I’m never going to win.)

There are a lot of things that go into a dirty, happy relationship. And it’s going to be different for everybody. But if you are one of the few, know that you’re not alone.

And if you figure out a way to motivate your guy to install the kiddie latches, even if it involves a three-way and a billy goat, leave me a comment lol. 

Check out Ande Lyons' video review of Bedded Bliss here. 

Dirty, Happy Relationship Reflection #3

The law of reciprocity talks about how a positive action begets another positive action. Not just that, but the second positive action is much more likely to be more positive than the first action. Conversely, if someone is negative or hostile, the reciprocating action is much more likely to be more negative. Basically, positive begets positive and negative begets negative. No one wants to keep doing nice things for someone who treats them like shit, is the nitty gritty of it. Reciprocity also involves doing something without intention of getting something back in return, but that’s a much longer discussion.

So how does reciprocity apply to dirty, happy relationships? Instead of bitching about how a man can’t load a dishwasher or a woman can’t be bothered to put gas in the car, thank them for the stuff that they do that you appreciate.

If you must say something about how the direction of the plates in relation to the pots and pans, I’ve found that a positive, informative approach works well. “Hey, thanks for loading the dishwasher, but you know what I’ve found works really good for me? Doing it like this. Just a thought. You can fit more in this way.” As opposed to, “You never do this right. Why even bother if you can’t do it the way that it’s obvious? Idiot.” See the difference? The old folks were right about catching more flies with honey than vinegar. Granted, the only reason we want flies right now is because it would mean there wasn’t this much snow. :-/

Three of Hearts!!!

Doesn't this look amazing?! I'm so excited to be part of this antho, and can't wait to read the other authors! Look for it October 14, 2014!!