Dirty, Happy Relationship Reflection and Review

How Relationships Are Like Writing Book Reviews

For all that I write a lot of book reviews, they never get any easier. They will remain a mainstay in my writing, which will mean a weekly(ish) stint of me crashing around the kitchen, mumbling to myself about trite language. (Mine, not always the authors.) Oh sure, some reviews write themselves, but often I agonize for days about what to write, what angle to approach the review from, the right tone, the word choice, the word count, just everything. But generally by the time I wrestle around with everything in my head, I have a good handle on it and know exactly what I want to say when I sit down to write, how I stand in relation to the material, and the tone I want to hit.

Relationships are like book reviews because generally if there’s something I’m trying to figure out about my relationship, I treat it like a review. I analyze it, look at it from my perspective, from what I know of his perspective, compare the two, note the similarities and differences, maybe ask a question for clarification, (or check what other reviewers have said about my relationship on Amazon…), and finally get the wording and tone right if my partner and I need to have a discussion.

It sounds a lot more involved than it is.

The bottom line is that I think before I mouth off; make sure I know what I’m talking about. I don’t write checks my ass can’t cash. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words are something you can’t unsay. It’s good to be careful with words, and not say anything in the heat of the moment you’ll want to unsay later. Just like trashing someone’s book, once the trash is out there, there’s no taking it back. Put out words, and reviews, you won’t mind encountering ten years from now. That’s just my thoughts. After all, it’s called constructive criticism for a reason.

Dirty, Happy Book Reviews: Exposed by Alison Tyler

I’ve lauded and applauded Alison Tyler’s books Dark, Secret Love and The Delicious Torment on this blog and other places, so for other readers who enjoyed these books, here’s another in the same vein, only as an anthology. Exposed is a collection of shorts, ranging through Ms. Tyler’s career, and we can see where she began to combine fiction, memoir, and meta, all to delightful effect. There’s a good deal of being coy, of playing the flirt, of shining light on human nature, in this collection and it’s a wonderful reading experience. Whether you want to get off on characters doing the dirty or the precise and beautiful use of language, there’s much in this compilation to get you breathing heavier.

Felice Newman says it best in her introduction to this book. And that is the quote I shall leave you good readers with:

"Alison Tyler is one of my favorite erotic authors. Simply put, she makes me hot. Her stories ring true. They are accessible, well crafted, and full of surprises. Each one is as fresh as the Ivory soap-scrubbed girls whose randy enthusiasm fuels their plots. And did I mention they’re hot?"

Dirty, Happy Book Reviews: Anthologies

Variety is the spice of any relationship. It’s a bit too personal to go much into the variety we enjoy as a couple, but I will definitely recommend it for anyone. How do you know you’ll like something until you try it? (Damn open-mindedness is showing again, isn’t it?) But of course, you have to both be secure in your relationship to try anything. You have to be with someone you trust, and trust in an adult way. The best way I heard that kind of trust articulated was in a self-help book by an author I can’t place right this moment, who said (paraphrasing here) you can’t say to your partner “I trust you not to hurt me.” That’s immature and will get you hurt. But if you can say “I trust what you do with me,” then that opens a huge number of doors.

Having have experienced both of these types of loving, I can definitely say the latter is better. I trust my partner, I trust what he does with me, and I trust that if I say I’m uncomfortable that he will stop. Because being together is about growing and changing together. About pushing limits and learning about what you’re comfortable with. That’s one reason I love anthologies. You can explore a whole variety of scenarios and learn your limits, or at least decide on a limit you might like to explore further, in the safety of your own reading area. And it helps give you the vocabulary to have that discussion with your partner.

So I’ve touted this book before, but I just can’t recommend it enough. And I have a feeling it’s one of those books I’ll return to again and again through the years to draw on the decades of experience these authors share about their emotionally and sexually satisfying marriages. Of course, this book is Bedded Bliss: A Couple's Guide to Lust Ever After by Kristina Wright. This is a self-help/erotica and it’s fantastic. The erotica is hot, the advice is solid, and it helps so much in giving a sense of community to those of us who are in happy relationships. Being happily together is something that almost flies under the radar in our society, but just because you’re happy doesn’t mean you can be complacent. You have in continually invest in your relationship to keep reaping the benefits and I love this book and how it discusses, among other things, how to do that. So even if your relationship is fantastic, this book is still worth checking out, even if only so you can read it and smugly smile, saying to yourself, “Yeah, we already do that.”

Dirty, Happy Book Reviews: Two Authors for the Price of Free

Pride and Prejudice: Hidden Lusts - Mitzi Szereto

This one I debated about whether to include as literary or satirical erotica. As it does fall under both. Which isn’t easy to do and why I love it. Mitzi Szereto takes delightful fun in this novel, taking the characters from Pride and Prejudice and “putting the sex back in.” While some argue that this is disrespectful, you still have to appreciate the quality of the work. Szereto emulates Austin to such a degree that even though I’ve read the original several times, I kept going “wow, how did I miss that?” It’s a literary romp with a keen satirical whit and if you love Jane Austen and also love reading erotica, then this is a great mix of the two genres.

While we’re at it, I’ll also recommend The Wilde Passions of Dorian Gray, also by Mitzi Szereto. It’s written in the same literary/satirical voice, and will be much more enjoyable if you’re already familiar with the original Dorian, though it’s still quite a romp if you are not.


Fingersmith - Sarah Waters

I’d be remiss if I left this novel out of the literary erotica discussion. Another fantastic read by a wonderful author. I also loved her novel Tipping the Velvet, though The Night Watch and The Little Stranger were, for me, harder to get into. Neither Fingersmith nor Tipping the Velvet are strictly erotic, but they do possess erotic themes, and that’s good enough for me. :)

In this erotic thriller there’s a scheme, a cross, a double-cross, a triple-cross, mistaken babies, and Victorian smut. What’s not to love? The prose is divine, the story enthralling, the characters Dickensien in their originality and dysfunction. Mrs. Sucksby and her baby farming is an image that will stick with you for a long time. As will many other characters, such as Gentleman, Mr Lilly, Dainty, and settings that act almost as characters themselves, from Mrs Sucksby’s poor London residence to the mad house. This is a powerhouse of a novel, and sheer pleasure to read.

So that takes us through a week in reviews. Let me know what you think and live it up this weekend ;-)

Dirty, Happy Book Reviews: Remittance Girl

One author that continually haunts me after the story has ended is Remittance Girl. I’ve encountered her work several times over the years, and this will be more of an author review than a book review, since I think she is one of those writers who if you spend any time at all around the erotica genre, you will encounter her work.

What’s most mesmerizing about the work of Remittance Girl is the raw emotion in her work. And how she’s not afraid to go to dark, sometimes extremely dark, places to explore. It almost borders on erotic horror sometimes. (I’m thinking especially of the short story called “Nathalie’s Tailor” here.) But when you think about it, it makes sense. What horrors are more frightening than the ones we can face in our own minds?

Looking very forward to her forthcoming short story "Veiled Girl with Lute." I was lucky enough to get to listen to it on podcast (oh my god, did the narrator have the sexiest voice!!). Will be sure to post here when I see "Veiled Girl" has been released.

Dirty, Happy Book Reviews: The Delicious Torment

It’s no secret that I’m a huge Alison Tyler fan. Her style of writing never fails to get me where it counts. (That’d be my brain, but I’ll forgive those who didn’t think of that as the organ of choice.)

I already wrote about Dark Secret Love but haven’t yet discussed The Delicious Torment.

This book is the sequel to Dark Secret Love, picking up where the previous novel ended, delving deeper into the relationship between Sam and Jack. The prose snaps, sharp and vivid. Tyler has a way of drawing the reader into her narrator’s head, so the reader feels what she feels, holds their breath, waits for the smack of the paddle right along with her. And Los Angeles is always right there in the background, curling through the story, watching, waiting.

Needless to say, I love these books, The Delicious Torment and Dark Secret Love. Was super excited to hear the third in the series has a cover. Yey! 

These are books that should definitely make anyone’s erotica canon, as they transcend the realm of romantic fuck stories and offer some true literary quality to the genre. As well as offer guidelines for how some relationships don’t need to be typical, so long as partners are getting their needs fulfilled, whatever those needs are.