Dirty, Happy Relationship Reflection #3

The law of reciprocity talks about how a positive action begets another positive action. Not just that, but the second positive action is much more likely to be more positive than the first action. Conversely, if someone is negative or hostile, the reciprocating action is much more likely to be more negative. Basically, positive begets positive and negative begets negative. No one wants to keep doing nice things for someone who treats them like shit, is the nitty gritty of it. Reciprocity also involves doing something without intention of getting something back in return, but that’s a much longer discussion.

So how does reciprocity apply to dirty, happy relationships? Instead of bitching about how a man can’t load a dishwasher or a woman can’t be bothered to put gas in the car, thank them for the stuff that they do that you appreciate.

If you must say something about how the direction of the plates in relation to the pots and pans, I’ve found that a positive, informative approach works well. “Hey, thanks for loading the dishwasher, but you know what I’ve found works really good for me? Doing it like this. Just a thought. You can fit more in this way.” As opposed to, “You never do this right. Why even bother if you can’t do it the way that it’s obvious? Idiot.” See the difference? The old folks were right about catching more flies with honey than vinegar. Granted, the only reason we want flies right now is because it would mean there wasn’t this much snow. :-/